


just too close to love you

by eunhaa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, it doesnt have a happy ending u have been warned, renjun-centric, shouldve warned myself too, this wasnt what i had in mind, when i said id write sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 08:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunhaa/pseuds/eunhaa
Summary: renjun realized as the time went on and his lies stayed, grew, withered and bloomed again, that liars never made peace with a happy ending.





	just too close to love you

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry also, twitter: eunhagfs

when you lie, you ultimately become a liar. it took all of renjun not to be one, but in the end, even white lies are lies. and maybe, just maybe, most of all he was dishonest to himself. because falsely had he been thinking, believing, affection would turn into love and love would turn into _ him. _

 

jaemin _. _

 

words were words. you could disguise words as emotion, emotion as words, but words weren’t emotions. when renjun spoke of jaemin, it was; _ fondness, infatuation, love. _ it was easy to say he loved jaemin.

 

_ but. _

 

when renjun thought of jaemin, it was _ ; agitation, pipe dream, deceit.  _ if you loved the person you thought you loved, wouldn’t your thoughts be one of harmony and tranquility? wouldn’t the arms of the person bring you complacency? 

 

renjun felt himself grow hollow.

 

renjun’s dishonesty started little. when he said,  _ i thought of you today _ , on the phone with jaemin who he hadn’t seen in days, he meant _ : i thought of you. you without me.  _ when he wrapped himself up in jaemin’s hug, he thought of another person to hold him, and whispered:  _ i’d rather be nowhere else. _

 

sometimes the lies grew.  _ i love you, jaemin. _

 

renjun realized as the time went on and his lies stayed, grew, withered and bloomed again, that liars never made peace with a happy ending. lies never stayed as lies, for the truth would always come out, no matter how untold it was.

 

and then, when the pain of walking away from jaemin became a burden bearable to bear, renjun found solace in the truth.

 

_ it wasn’t that i loved you, jaemin, it was that i really thought i did. _


End file.
